6 Things Your Couch Can Give You That The Love of Your Life Can’t

Searching for "the one" is tiring. Being in a relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be all the time, either. So if you're out six nights a week on awkward first dates in the hopes of finding your "soulmate," or trying and failing to fulfill all your needs in your current relationship, you may want to refocus your romantic energies and consider investing in a luxury couch instead. A couch can give you things your significant other can't. Read on for a few of our favorite reasons to be #teamcouch.

A Simultaneous Back and Foot Rest

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Martina Keenan For Coeval Magazine

Look, your bae is a great support system, both emotionally and physically. But when it comes to kicking your feet up or getting some much needed lower back support, no one can give you two-for-one like your couch. We're talking lots of OPTIONS! You can pull off total recline, legs swung over the arm rest, even upside down with your head on the floor if you've got some weird stretch thing you need to practice from yoga. Sure your boo can pour you a glass of wine, but what your couch lacks in arms and legs it makes up for in total body support.

Consistency of Location

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Andrea D’Aquino for Quality Magazine

You love when your sweetheart surprises you somewhere or brings you flowers to the office. But let’s be real, it’s also nice when your boo is busy and you have the house to yourself. What’s not cool is trying to coordinate schedules with crazy calendars or trying to track down your S.O. without getting a text back for hours. Guess who is always where you left them? Your couch. Your couch does not move, so you’ll never have to struggle to locate it. You don’t have to know its work schedule or which train it’s on right now. Your couch is gonna be there. Waiting for you. Like a loyal pet that you don’t even have to remember to feed.

Enthusiastic Participation in your Panache for Color and Accessories

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Tassels, teal, lime green, pom pom puffs, fuschia...the love of your life may resist these colors and decorations. They may claim “Turquoise puffs do not look good on me.” They may tell you that purple polka dots bring out the bags under their eyes. But you’ll know they’re lying. There is a place though, where you can always test out unlikely color combos and cutting-edge pillow tasselry. Your couch. Your couch will never complain, never criticize your amazing taste, never question that decor choice. Instead, what you’ll get is complete willingness to hold your accent pillows gently and unassumingly so that your house guests can come in and say “Oooh I love what you’ve done with the place, omg adorable accent pillows!” Your couch doesn’t need the spotlight. It’s there to make you look good.

Nonjudgmental Fart Witnessing

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Photo by Jasmina Deporta

When you fart on your partner they usually say something. Like, “Did you just … fart on me?” or “What the hell man?” or “I think we should see other people—please leave as soon as possible—no you cannot wait until this episode of The Will & Grace revival is finished.” On the contrary, your couch will never judge you or make any snide comments. In fact, your couch won’t say anything when you spill red wine on it either (and if you have a Burrow couch it won't show anything because it’s RESISTANT AF to liquid and stains.)

A Charging Dock

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If you try plugging a USB cord into your boo, you will be disappointed with the result. You cannot charge your tablet, phone, or expensive camera with only love juice from your favorite person, unfortunately. But with a Burrow couch, you can snuggle up with your designated heartstring puller all while charging up your iPhone so you can text them later when you’re apart. Sadly you cannot text your couch. But if you could it would probably respond promptly and with GREAT gifs.

Resilience in the Face of Unintentional Violence

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Photo by Marlen Mueller

You know how when you accidentally elbow your babe in the face when you’re tossing in your sleep? And they tend to like… get hurt? And mad? Enter the un-injurable couch. That’s right. Move as you will. Make yourself comfortable. Your couch cannot feel pain. And while your couch will not apologize to you if you stub your toe on a corner, you CAN punch it repeatedly in pained frustration and it will just sit there and take it like a fluffy champ.



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